DO WHAT YOU DO BEST : JOKE PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON is not one to let adverse circumstances get him down, especially when he is the one responsible for the majority of the adversity. Britons can take confidence in knowing that PM’s schedule remains largely unchanged, except for the occasional hard right turn.
While the weak and unpatriotic fail to show sufficient faith in Great Britain Mr Johnson continues to charge ahead of the crowd leading the way to the end. In keeping with this unbreakable faith in himself he is to chair an emergency meeting today to decide what to do about the viral shitshow megastorm that has come from nowhere to overwhelm the UK, once again.
“He’s gathering all the best minds together to see their faces light up in grins as he raconteurs the pandemic into retreat with half remembered, irrelevant classical references, mixed in with some off colour humour,” a 10 Downing Street source tells LCD Views. “The virus won’t know what’s hitting it when it hears Xenophon twinned with a gag about the pork industry.”
But there will also be a sense of levity in the emergency meeting so no one gets too worried about the potential of thousands of people dying a day in a completely avoidable way.
“Let’s be clear this is not a COBR meeting,” the source advises. “Those are full of boring girly swots. This is just the best pretend friends the PM still has enjoying a cheese and wine tasting of exceptional quality at public expense. You see how far the virus gets when it realises the PM is just going to ignore again until it’s too late.”