An announcement was made today that the symbol, mascot and emblem of Brexit shall be a unicorn. Members from across the Brexit spectrum, or “Brextrum”, hailed the decision as a momentous breakthrough.
LCD’s Mythical Beasts correspondent spoke to committee member Izzy Teck.
“This is the greatest breakthrough since the announcement of blue passports!” she boasted. “Unicorns will form the basis of all our marketing, publicity and policy-making.”
Ms Teck disclosed that the decision had been unanimous, with 52% voting in favour and 48% against. The committee has spoken, and the will of the committee shall be carried out regardless.
“In the name of unity, committee members were drawn from all major parties,” Ms Teck continued. “Conservatives, DUP, and Nigel Farage. Oh, and a random Labour chappie to fulfil some positive discrimination bollocks.”
Surely, though, other suitable candidates for the symbol of Brexit were discussed?
“Well, yes, we had to consider all options,” mused Ms Teck. “Dragons were rejected as being too Welsh, leprechauns too Irish, and Nessie too Scottish. We had to find a British beast.”
Surprisingly, the chimera was also rejected. An unlikely mish-mash of a creature representing implausibility, its appearance is an omen of natural disaster.
“The description ‘natural’ disaster was the reason,” stated Ms Teck. “Brexit is a wholly artificial disaster.”
So, the unicorn, beloved of teenage girls and other fantasists, was chosen.
“Who doesn’t love a unicorn? They are hard and yet soft, strong and stable-dwelling, have magical properties, and are completely fictitious,” she said, counting off the points on her fingers. “A perfect Brexit emblem!”
We await St George, riding upon a unicorn, to utterly defeat Johnny Foreigner and get our country back.
It only remains for a moaning remoaner to point out that the unicorn is in fact a heraldic emblem of Scotland. Scotland, which is considering secession from the UK in order to remain part of the EU. But why let facts get in the way of a good story?