Great news for visitors from Europe to London, and outside of the capital, with the announcement that Westminster village idiots, we mean residents, are holding a week long “Brexit Fudge Fights On Ice” festival.
The impromptu celebration is to make best use of the polar vortex gripping the United Kingdom.
LCD Views sent its political sports correspondent along to experience the first day of the action as the Thames ices up.
“I’m standing here in sight of Big Ben, who does not appear to be looking at me, watching as the stalls and bandstands are set up on the slowly freezing Thames, alongside Westminster Palace,” Rosie Searchlight reported,
“I’ve have my skates on and I have a sense of wonder as I watch the teams from numerous political parties carry their fudge pucks out onto the ice, so they can engage in the new ritual of Brexit fudge fighting.”
It’s uncertain who is currently favourite to win the inaugural title of “Fudgebergers” for 2018, but the field is certainly competitive.
”The Conservafudgers have been the early table leaders, having overtaken the UKIPfukkers by way of an aggressive player and policy transfer strategy the moment the league turned professional.
But lately the Corbybergers have made running up the table with very clever use of the definite and indefinite article.”
It’s believed this strategy is either a genius new play that will have the opposition so baffled they will either have to reverse their previous winning game plan of ‘set fire to it all and watch it burn laughing’, or potentially find themselves in the relegation zone before the end of the season.
“Other potential problems for the Conservafudgers are rumours their owners, DUP.inc are considering cutting their losses, out of a concern that the new owners of the SFudgers may demand entry to the Brexit Fudge Fights.
The new managers of SFudgers can probably sell it to the local clubs that make up their league, across the Irish Sea, that it’s worth for a time, just to see the look on the faces of the other teams in the league. But people better versed in Irish leagues should be consulted before anyone places a large wager on that.”
This action on the ice will certainly warm up the hands and faces of the spectators gathered to watch.
“The only note of caution is to be sure you don’t get any of any team’s fudge puck in your mouth. Definitely don’t swallow if you do. Wash your mouth out immediately.
The Thames may have been cleaned up in recent years, but the pucks are composed of a recipe involving apple pie aspiration, nationalism, insanity and just, well, shit due to the fact that whoever tops the table at the end of the season will have to accept whatever cup the largest trade bloc on Earth decides to present it.”