BREAKING : Trump to build Trump Towers Kabul to prove his Taliban deal is “the greatest”

THE HUMAN STAIN : Former US President Donald Trump famously cut a deal with the Taliban while everyone was distracted and looking merrily to the end of his presidency. He left a legacy which none can deny.

Now that the current US President Joe Biden has followed through on that Trump deal (presumably because America at home is currently so screwed up he just can’t be bothered with that Afghanistan problem?) people are starting to wonder if the Taliban will be reliable international partners.

Which to anyone who’s paid attention to the movement over the last couple of decades is a rhetorical question.

“Clearly if you’re a man it’s going to go better,” a Trump aide told LCD Views. “That’s about all Trump cares about anyway. Actually, just one man. Himself. He’s not exactly known as a feminist either, is he? Remember that classic ‘grab ’em by the pussy’ tape? And he still got elected. The mind boggles. The deal is also probably fairly handy for the Russians, Chinese and whatever Gulf State countries Trump maybe owes a favour too. It’s just not going to be great for women. Oh, and a lot of men. And children. Basically it’ll likely be civil war in Afghanistan still and we’ll be reinvading next week. But it’s still a good deal. Just a great deal.”

And rumour has it that Trump is so impressed by his legacy he’s going to put someone else’s money where his mouth was.

“We’ll be opening Trump towers Kabul real soon,” the aide advises. “It’s going to be tallest building in Kabul. Just the biggest. Afghanis have never seen a building that big! Not many people know this, but Donald Trump builds the biggest buildings on Earth. Everywhere. He’s built the biggest in New York and Moscow. Now he’s going to build the biggest in Kabul. Come and stay. Everyone will be welcome. Well, except for the women. But no one much cares about that. We don’t do intervention anymore.”

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