TITANIC 2.0 : While idiots are busying themselves fretting over the looming risk of famine in the UK following Brexit, sensible people are taking time out to invent rumours regarding the new national yacht. You’ve heard of it, Tory donors will be supplying bolts for potential use in its construction at £1,000 a pop.
It’s believed the refusal of the Palace to back the big floating boat was initially a cause of frustration and even “mild despair” for the people’s PM, until he saw how to turn crisis into opportunity.
“It’s a chance to show who actually runs the country,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “This means the yacht can now be given a much better name. What would you prefer to do? Slap the handle of some aged Queen on the bow or make it much more personal?”
Rumours say the Prime Minister is considering naming the yacht now after famous moments in British history. Episodes that live in the public imagination to this day. Events with resonance. The sort of happenings you find yourself quizzed on in the Life in the UK quiz.
“Titanic 2.0 is clearly in with a run to take the title,” the source continues, “or perhaps the PM will allow a Tory donor to buy the right to name the yacht after themselves? We’re not sure yet. Clearly we can’t have a public vote on the name as that will throw up any old nonsense. Just look at Brexit!”
But there is one persistent rumour that 10 Downing Street is rumoured to be allegedly determined to quash.
“The PM is not planning to name the national yacht after his wife,” the source says, “we need to quash that nonsense right now. How could he? He has no idea who he will be married to when the boat is launched.”