DIPLOMATIC BUBONIC : DOWNING STREET have sought to engorge the pustule that is its relations with the European Commission today by adding another charge to the sheet of imagined European Commission crimes.
In a press conference at the completely new and necessary press briefing room in 10 Downing Street the PM’s human shield accused the EC of being in the “business of blocking vaccines entering the U.K. for centuries”.
While no documentary, or even folklore evidence, of the U.K. exporting plague vaccines to the Continent has ever been discovered, the focus was on the other side of the Channel.
“As far back as the mid-14th century the Commission were playing vaccine nationalism,” the method of socially distancing the PM from scrutiny said. “If it wasn’t for Brexit towns and villages throughout England would still be plagued by Yersini pestis.”
The charge will raise eyebrows across the Channel, mostly among people whose responsibility it is to pay attention to the offshore colony of global kleptocracy, just in case anything sane is said.
“While hardworking, British men and women struggled to defeat the Black Death the unelected officials in Brussels were blocking the export of cats to the United Kingdom.”
What wasn’t explained was what the British government itself was doing at the time to suppress the rodent population, in the hope of eradicating the fleas carrying the killer virus.
Questions have been raised over the U.K. government strategy for dealing with one of the biggest killers of medieval England, with the King at the time, Boris Johnson, believed to have flirted for a while with an insane idea of just letting the pestilence sweep through the population. This was based on the premise that only peasants would die.
“I wouldn’t worry about the export of cats,” one specialist noted. “Nationalism, obsession with controlling borders, ideological purity and flawed men attempting to elevate themselves were the biggest killers in the Medieval Period. The U.K. still needs a vaccine against all that.”