“The dog ate the speech I was going to make,” explained Sir Screw Hope, Tory MP for Staycations, who missed the climate change debate in the House of Commons, “and besides I had so much homework to do. And anyway, the MP for Oil didn’t turn up either, so why are you picking one me?”
Sir Screw Hope wasn’t alone. At times as few as ten MPs were present for the debate brought by Layla Moran of the Liberal Democrats and Caroline Lucas of the Green Party.
“See? I couldn’t be there. I had to be over at DExEU justifying my coming pay rise by working out how much more money to waste,” Mrs Winter Son, MP for Frackit-on-Why and a junior minister at DExEU told us, “and anyway, it’s not like it’s going to lose me any votes. Young people don’t engage in politics.”
These explanations, while perfectly valid, perhaps miss the point that the debate was brought as a direct result of a large student protest.
“It’s potentially a very clever strategy by MPs concerned about the lack of engagement in politics by younger demographics,” our political analyst comments, “the House of Commons is currently engaged in a mass shitting on of younger peoples’ hopes.”
But how is that a clever strategy?
“Just imagine yourself coming of age right now and being told you have to celebrate a blue passport and stay home with a crashing economy? And this is all being decided without your say by MPs of both main parties.”
It ain’t great.
“It would rev you up a little perhaps? Add on top of that the clear and present total disinterest of the majority of your elected representatives in the most pressing issue determining your future?”
What? Will May stay on until 2022 and will Jeremy Corbyn do Glastonbury again?
“Well, apart from those, yes. You’re probably feeling like you might like to get out and vote.”
But not for the MPs bringing you Brexit and effectively telling you to stfu?
“Yes indeed. Just imagine if there isn’t a GE until 2022, just where your party loyalties will be…”