LCD Views has an exclusive this morning after conducting fictional interviews with leading British politicians who voted to trigger Article 50 with no plan at all, other than to let Theresa May and the ERG do whatever the hell they like.
While there is still legal action ongoing over the validity of the Prime Minister’s decision to end life as we know it in the UK, we can get to the ass of the thinking of politicians involved in the vote.
“We should have triggered Article 50 on the morning of the 24th June,” Jeremy Corbyn, MP for Islington North, said (we think he did, the line was a little scratchy, so this is what we think he said), “that’s what I called for bold as brass in front of the television cameras. Not even a parliamentary vote as a fig leaf, just smash it all comrades. Revolution!”
Hang on, you expected to ride the crest of a wave of Euroskepticism straight into Downing Street and remake the UK? That doesn’t sound much of a plan, given you’d then be responsible for the dismantling of the United Kingdom’s entire international and economic framework.
“That is entirely my plan. Although I don’t want to get into Downing Street until after Brexit. Let the Tories take the blame by voting with the government at key stages of the process. Genius.”
What if your calculations are wrong? They’re based on respecting a referendum result now proven to be riddled with criminality and foreign influence.
“I love foreign influence. Just so long as it’s not Western foreign influence.”
But what if you’re wrong?
“It must have been the diesel fumes. But I’m never wrong. Just inhale.”
Okay, so the Labour leadership clearly had a deeply thought out plan to evade responsibility and then hope to profit politically, some might say, while further hoping to transform the country into the image it’s been daydreaming of since the 70’s, as the world changed and it didn’t.
What about the government?
“Brexit means Brexit,” Theresa May next told us, “and I’m going to make a success of it.”
You’re not really keeping up with events, are you? What was the plan behind the slogans?
“Who needs plans when you’re English and you have slogans? Johnny Foreigner will do as he’s told because we’re special.”
You’ve not really been keeping up with the way the world has changed either, gravitating into regional power blocs, meaning isolated countries, whatever their historical power, are going to be fighting like mad to hold it together.
“We’re Great Britain. Lesser people will bow to us in the end.”
But what if you’re wrong.
“I’ll blame it on diesel. Everyone can now blame anything that goes wrong with Brexit Britain on diesel.”
Maybe a better plan is to pause and reconsider?
“You need to get into the diesel. Diesel means diesel.”
Sigh. You better get back on that plane and go and talk to Brussels. I bet they have a plan and I bet they won’t be blaming the shift of investment and jobs to the EU27 on anything but Brexit and the politicians who voted to do it without a plan.