FEAR AND GROPING : An Old Man has spoken exclusively to LCD Views to share what remains on his “bucket list”, which he is determined to empty, before he dies.
“Not many people know this but I have the biggest bucket list,” he began [Translation service was used to render his speech servicable].
“It’s true. You’ve never seen a bucket list like mine. Sleepy Joe didn’t even have a bucket! Loser! That commie Newscom, I call him NEWSCOMMIE, everyone is now calling him that now. I started it. NEWSCOMMIE. Many people are saying so. Most people have tiny buckets with dumb lists. But my list is the bigliest. NEWSCOMMIE HAS A DIAPER. What do the limeys call them? NAPPY. NEWSNAPPY.”
What is left inside this old man’s bucket is not altogether surprising.
“I WON two elections. MORE ELECTIONS than any President has ever won. Many more than those losers in Drowning Street. CANADA DOESN’T EVEN HAVE ELECTIONS. They let the Queen of Engerland choose their President. How many Presidential elections has Keir “knee bender to ME” Starmer won? NONE. And I didn’t have any help winning mine.”
That’s elections off the list. What else?
“I OVERSAW A PLAGUE. That makes me a KING. Kings always have plagues. I know all the history. You should read the history. THE. BLACK. DEATH. But there’s one thing I am determined to see before I go to HEAVEN. I’M GOING TO HEAVEN. JESUS SAID SO. HE SAID SO MANY TIMES.”
And that one thing is?
“Mushroom clouds. Just the bigliest mushroom clouds. My friend Vladimir says he can help me see them too. All I have to do he says is have KEGSBREATH nuke California. Couldn’t be simpler. Child’s play”