A FIREHOSE OF SHIT BY ANY OTHER NAME : KING DONALD, First of His name, King of America’s Golf Courses, Prior Owner of Trump Steaks, Chancellor of Trump University, Non-Consensual Grabber of Pussies and Mocker of the Disabled, Curiously Wealthy for A Serial Bankrupt, Owner of a Gold Toilet and Allegedly Democratically Elected President of The USA is currently living his best life.
While most of his statements are ridiculed rapidly by proven reality, his latest outburst has been confirmed as valid.
The bizarre, and entirely unprecedented event has been labelled as “a once in a lifetime” event and less probable than a one hundred year storm.
”He is not incorrect,” our team of fact checkers confirm, “when Donald Trump claimed he got more votes than America’s last monarch, King George III, he was right. In electoral terms Georgie III was a total loser.”
The observation is believed to underlie King Trump’s proclamation of himself yesterday as King Trump.
”To be fair to him few monarchs have arrived on their thrones simply by undoing some regulation intended to lower air pollution and premature deaths,” our team observed. “Most seized the throne by acts of violence. Of course King Trump tried that a few years ago and failed. So he took a surprisingly successful path back to power by standing for office again. Clearly massive social media manipulation by a wealthy donor may have had a little to do with it.”
Now that he is King speculation will clearly turn to who will inherit his throne.
”Best guess? A Russian. If Trump is allowed the negotiate it. He’ll start off by claiming he’s going to ask for Russian help securing rare earth metals and leave after signing over ownership of the United States. Because, never forget, he’s a very stable genius.”*
*King Donald’s claim to be a very stable genius rubbished by independent fact checkers.