FROM WASHINGTON WITH LOVE : BREAKING NEWS today that super genius and disrupter Elon Musk has decided to cut the entire US federal government in order to save money.
The plan, expected to be approved by so called President Donald Trump when he stops golfing, will see all US governance functions moved to The Kremlin.
It’s understood that Mr Musk has been so impressed by the Russian leader’s ability to run both his own country, significant parts of his neighbours, while also acting as a consultant to US tech giants, that it’s been thought best to “move operations to the Kremlin in the name of efficiency.”
Quite what the American people will think of the shift in their centre of power “doesn’t matter” because “they were promised they wouldn’t have to vote again and they voted for it.”
For his part, Russian President for Life Vladimir Putin, is yet to comment as “he’s in his bunker waiting for his daily news update to arrive once it’s been transcribed with lemon onto toilet paper”.
Mr Trump himself is thought to remain in residence in The White House and will receive his instructions “in his usual way”, while also turning the entire complex into a palace that would make both an old sultan in The Topkapi harem blush, as well as deceased Playboy entrepreneur Hugh Hefner.
It’s thought further plans to replace USD with roubles have been put on hold until Mr Musk’s new peer to peer payment network is established.
Supporters of Mr Trump have endorsed the plan as “they’ve no fucking idea what’s really going on already.”