BLEACH WILL SET YOU FREE : Great news today for the United States of the Pacific Confederation (to be) with the announcement that Donald Trump has signed an EO to protect himself from the plague he will cause while in office.
The order, which is backdated to 2020 to prove he was also immune to the first pandemic he called down from the Gods, Covid-19, grants the President “full purity of essential bodily fluids” regardless of how virulent the plague is that will result from his gutting of federal agencies so sociopathic billionaires can provide the same, but flawed, services for personal profit.
”No one has ever signed an order like this before,” Mr Trump told his client press, “when you think of all the diseases, terrible diseases, actually really quite bad diseases, that caused so much suffering in England in earlier times. And they had Kings with powers almost as great as mine. Why didn’t they protect their people like I am? Losers. Clearly DEI was a problem then too.”
While the order is in force from today it is unclear how it will be greeted by the four horseman who returned re-shod in late January.
”It’s believed Death is pleased to spare President Trump,” our Plague On All Your Houses correspondent reports, “as by sparing Donald he will remain busy to the point of overwork until the eventual collapse of what is currently known as the USA.”
Conquest is also thought to be supportive of Mr Trump’s order out of consideration for how closely he rides with Death and War.
While Hunger is said to be calmly “biding his time” for Trump to clear out the FDA, but is confident he isn’t being overlooked by the current administration.
It’s thought Mr Trump is planning a subsequent EO to give himself the power to heal by touch, but only those “loyal enough” to get closer to him than a barge pole.