WHAT WEIGHS MORE THAN A FEATHER : Great news for the huddled and confused masses this morning with the announcement that President of the United States, Donald Trump, has fixed the Declaration of Indepedence.
The document, which famously heralded the birth of the so called greatest country the world has ever seen, has long been a thorn in the side of radical thinkers, as it contains some glaring inaccuracies. Working late into the night President Trump has corrected the text.
“At approximately the time last night when Mr Trump’s handlers usually take him out to the lawn for a final wee, Mr Trump suddenly rushed back inside to the Oval Office barking excitedly,” our White House correspondent reports. “He was pursued but not in time to stop him grabbing a copy of the Declaration of Independence and shaking it madly with his teeth.”
Being a mad dog Mr Trump can’t be expected to physically write, or read, himself, but those close to him are adept at understanding what he is communicating.
“The Declaration of Independence was woke and written by losers. As such it is not fit for the new more democratic United States of America.”
Of particular concern was one of the opening phrases which declared the glaringly anti-American assertion that, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.“
It doesn’t take much to see why Mr Trump and his team had a problem with that load of commie, DEI nonsense. The revised text will make the USA’s direction of travel under Mr Trump crystal clear.
“The White House will be releasing the revised text of the document, made legal by an executive order, just as soon as Mr Trump has finished humping the leg of one of his handlers.”