LET IT GO: Leave it alone, let it be, just walk away now. There is simply nothing more that needs to be done. Everything is ticking along nicely.
“We have got everything done,” explained Dick Holder, Minister Without Responsibilities in Rishi Sunak’s cabinet. “We got Brexit done, we got covid done, we got inflation done, we even got the small boats done. There is simply nothing more to do.”
Holder proudly indicated his empty desk, his empty in-tray and his empty head. He sat back, placed his size 12s undelicately on the table, and lit a large cigar with a complacent flourish.
“I’m done here, like the rest of the cabinet, as you can see,” he said, stifling a cough. “Therefore we should do nothing. The country will be fine without the need for any more politics. And we really don’t need lefty lawyers or the woke police sticking their noses into everyone else’s business any longer. This is the 21st century, for crying out loud. England should be able to run itself by now.”
Holder pointed out the example of Boris Johnson, who did so much for his country.
“Boris set the benchmark,” Holder claimed. “Within days of being in office, he bulldozed all the Brexit red tape for good. He declared covid to be over, and lo! it was so. He made us believe in the Greatness of Britain, in the greatness of the British people! And nothing can defeat that faith! Alleluia!”
He dropped cigar ash on his shirt, which was already stained from all the hard work that he hadn’t done.
This doesn’t alter the facts that the country is sinking into a mire of debt and poverty, that covid is still rampant, or that Brexit negotiations have hit impasse after impasse.
“Heresy, my dear boy, heresy!” Holder chided. “You must believe harder! Now go and say 12 Hail Margarets. Amen!”