GOT TO PICK A POCKET OR TWO : The UK’s outgoing Prime Minister, Rishi “I have no working class friends” Sunak, is not taking Christmas lying down.
“It’s been a tradition since 2010 for the ghosts of past, present and future to visit the prime minister at Christmas,” a 10 Downing Street spokesman told LCD Views. “You just have to look about you to see what they achieve. All those dire warnings of loneliness and oblivion? All we can say is if the Christmas ghosts don’t like what Tory PMs are doing they should stop giving them policy ideas.”
While calmer heads have suggested the three ghosts should be privatised, to improve productivity, Mr Sunak is minded to take things further.
”He’s going to provide the ghosts with proper guidance,” the spokesman explains. “Rather than have them turn up clearly infected with some mind virus, they will now be forced by law to embody proper Great British conservative values.”
It’s believed this will mostly be centred on how best to position the hardworking British voter for the future.
”The ghost of Christmas past will warn Mr Sunak that he hasn’t redistributed wealth from the poor to the wealthy enough. He should be bloody ashamed of himself.”
Just so.
”The ghost of Christmas present will admonish the PM by showing him lower income families still just about capable of scrapping together a Christmas meal for their kids.”
And the ghost of Christmas future?
”How terrible everything will be for the UK if Sunak doesn’t continue his slide into full blown fascism. There’s a risk that obscenely wealthy individuals may end up paying tax!”
A vision of the future no Tory PM could sleep through.