THEY SEEK HIM HERE THEY SEEK HIM THERE : FANTASTIC NEWS today for Tory PM candidate Liz Truss with the news that fictional character ‘Dan the Clandestine Channel Threat Commander’ has switched his backing from Rishi ‘The Flashy’ Sunak to Liz ‘How did I get up on this fence post?’ Truss.
The allegiance of Dan has been much speculated over with his creator, famous kids book author Priti Patel, remaining tight lipped about who he was supporting. But ever since escaping from the pages of Patel’s imagination and into real life Dan has been known to make his own decisions.
“IF Truss can hold onto Dan’s loyalty then she is a shoe in for Downing Street,” a Tory insider told LCD Views. “Having the backing of one of the most visible symbols of an outward facing Brexit UK is a prize trophy for a cabinet that is now overflowing with prizes for fictional creations. It’s not just enough to be claim to be able to reverse inflation by magic and get Brexit re-done by magic, you also need to have the creations of magical thinking in your corner.”
How Mr Sunak will respond to losing the support of Dan is anyone’s guess, but it is believed he is planning to join that useful idiot from the BBC in standing on the beach counting refugees. Feeding gammon what they fear most is definitely away to make up ground with Tory faithful.
“If Rishi gets on a boat and starts pushing refugee dinghies back with a paddle into French waters it may give Dan a moment of pause, but first you’d have to find him. And of course he’s so clandestine there’s always the chance of accidentally pushing Dan back into French waters and that would be terminal for Sunak’s chances. I suggest Sunak gives any moustache he sees on the water a tug to make sure it’s not Dan in disguise.”