BORDERING ON MADNESS : The UK’s next Prime Minister, Liz Truss, has promised to revolutionise the post-Brexit queues at British borders. From day one of her reign she will sweep away the frustration, rage and roadside urine currently being experienced by Brits at the hands of spiteful Continental border officials.
“As Prime Minister I will instantly order the commissioning of millions of BC’s,” PM Truss told a rapturous audience of Tory Party faithful.
Cries of “What did she say?” and “Turn your hearing aid up!” filled the hall as she expanded on her plans.
“The Border Cross will become a treasured reward for millions of Brits suffering the spite of French border guards. “Henri and Pierre maybe able to keep you in a queue of vehicles stretching back for miles and going nowhere, but it doesn’t mean he gets to enjoy himself. Britons aren’t going anywhere and it’s time the French got used to it!”
The BC medal will be styled like the historic VC and will appeal to all the military fans set to vote Liz into Downing Street. Additionally they will include pork in a mighty blow at EU red tape. Each time a Brit sporting a BC staggers across the border at Calais they’ll be making a mockery of EU laws covering the import of food.
“Just imagine the look on a French immigration official’s dour face as he holds out his hand to demand your passport and you show him you are the very embodiment of BC. We Brits know how to queue and we’re ready to prove it to the world. This is the essence of Global Britain – we’re on the border and we’re here to stay.”