SEEING IS BELIEVING : The Tory MP knee deep in the House of Commons porn scandal has attempted to bed down and take the punishment today, as if it’s something he needs.
Speaking to the press he also attempted to shaft the obvious jokers ready to use the standard Little Britain meme to ridicule his not so private viewings.
“I’ve decided to talk to you from my garden, with plainly farcical excuses and reference to my family so that the memes fall flat when they hit social media,” it was alleged Neil Parish MP told reporters. “Or maybe I saw the famous comedy episode as a ‘How To’ guide? Porn scandals for dummies, if you like.”
The MP went on to talk in greater length about being caught watching porn by his female colleagues.
While we did not have a reporter present, we were able to fabricate what he went on to say.
“Look, it was either an honest mistake that is being used by my political enemies to destroy me or I was sitting there red faced with bunched fists murmuring YES! YES! YES! The inquiry will establish which it is. But I have at least helped distract the public from not only Partygate but also the appallingly undemocratic laws passed by Mr Johnson’s government this week. I expect he’s very grateful to me. He has a large enough majority. He can afford to throw me to the wolves.”
Asked how he happened to open the pornographic link in ignorance he explained,
“I always open text messages sent by the PM immediately,” before pausing and asking, “Sorry, what was the last question again? I was momentarily distracted by a pair of legs.”