BREAKING : Dover lorry queue declares independence from U.K. and applies to join EU

A NATION OF TRAFFIC QUEUES : DOWNING STREET’S plans to criminalise UK-EU trade have hit an unexpected obstacle today after the thousands of truckers stuck in Dover decided to declare themselves a nation state and additionally declare universal independence from the United Kingdom.

It was believed by Prime Minister Johnson and Home Secretary Priti Patel that they were about to score an easy PR win in the field of crime and punishment by arresting 10’s of 1,000’s of truck drivers all at once under new laws aimed to make the most of Brexit, and end cross channel trade for good in preference of trade deals with distant Narnia. But the sudden declaration by the truckers has caused “mayhem” inside the Executive.

Speaking to the press this morning the representative of the “The People’s Republic of Truckers” said that they had been “stuck so long in the Brexit tailback” that many had “formed new families and indeed a distinctive and unique cultural identity”. It is thought the first births of babies conceived in the massive and endless customs queue was the trigger to declaring themselves a nation state.

“We will be writing our constitution on red tape,” the representative said, “as it’s the sudden and horrifying growth of Brexit red tape demolishing our once seamless trade links with the Continent that forced the world’s newest nation state into being.”

Quite what the Prime Minister will do is not yet clear, although many believe he will be happy to see the formation of the The People’s Republic of Truckers as it takes care of an unsolvable problem caused by his Brexit.

“We look forward to welcoming the UK’s biggest Instagram celebrity, Liz Truss, to our new country and trust that a comprehensive free trade deal can be agreed in rapid time. But first we have to join the EU so she has to negotiate with Barnier.”

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