RAMPED UP GENEROSITY : HOME SECRETARY PRITI PATEL has responded to surprising criticism of her department’s inability to react effectively to the latest refugee crisis in Europe by getting “directly involved in a personal and touching way”.
The plan appears to be designed to lift the spirits of people attempting to find sanctuary in the UK, while they negotiate the perfectly reasonable demands of the UK’s refugee visa system, which has been designed to weed out people who “just want to come here for health tourism”.
The new initiative will see everyone waiting to have their fingerprints taken given a signed photo of Priti Patel who has had a new professional portrait taken for just that purpose. Although rumours suggest that the decision to involve photography has led to tension with the Foreign Secretary Liz Truss who is understood to demand “Instagram and other social media platforms remain her exclusive policy domain”.
But the Home Office has responded to reports of tension by saying that any criticism is completely unwarranted and once the images of cheerful refugees clasping images of Ms Patel are broadcast on TV the scheme will be expanded to cover any areas in Europe where people are gathering seeking assistance.
“If they want to come to the UK they need to know what life in the UK is like,” a Home Office source told LCD Views. “They need to know who will be governing them and waiting for just the right moment to have the Daily Mail start running stories designed to shift the public mood to throwing them right back out again.”
The Prime Minister is thought to have endorsed the scheme, although was critical of the lack of choice of image.
“The PM is leading the world in the response to the crisis in Ukraine, but he’s taken time out of his afternoon wine and cheese schedule to pen a note to Ms Patel encouraging her to make the portraits available in both gloss and matt and for the recipients to decide which one they receive,” a Downing Street source said, on the way to the cheese shop.
“The UK is leading European leaders in the PR campaign to be seen to be doing something. The distribution of the portraits will have them green with envy,” the Home Office spokesman added. “This is ramped up UK generosity in action and the best you can expect from the current government.”