NOW YOU SEE HIM, NOW YOU DON’T: Schrödinger’s Prime Minister was both at and not at the fabled Downing Street parties. This is according to the admission by Boris Johnson that he did actually attend the party that he definitely didn’t attend, according to Boris Johnson.
“Yeah, but no, but yeah, but no,” said Johnson when pressed on the issue. “Well, erm, erm, well, that is to say, I suppose the important thing is where we are now, erm, well, wiff waff, adversus solem ne loquitor, the matter is closed, get yourself vaccinated!, we will have to wait until the enquiry is complete, ignored, buried, swept under the carpet, and I’m sunning myself on a deserted shoreline, and we have acted while Labour just grumbles at me!”
This is progress. Only yesterday, the very same Boris Johnson was insisting that there was no party, and even if there was, he wasn’t there and knew nothing about it, despite photographic evidence of a garden party in his back garden, with him seated next to Carrie, which must have been work because everyone was in a suit.
Schrödinger must be turning in his grave (while simultaneously non-rotational). First, there was Brexit, which certainly meant Brexit even if it didn’t. Then there came covid, which although a deadly pandemic is also completely harmless. Now, in accordance with Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, which states that the more precisely one may pin down the position of Boris Johnson, the less certain he actually exists, the fact that he was at the party probably means that he wasn’t.
Brexit naturally debunks all this philosophy. On two grounds. Firstly, the philosophers are experts, so their evidence may be discounted. Secondly, and even more damning, they were both European.
Naturally, this means that Johnson is off the hook. So, therefore, he is damned by his own arguments.