TIME GENTLEMEN TIME : PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON is on the receiving end of some ferocious Whatsapp’s today after the true scale of his 10 Downing Street lockdown parties was revealed.
“It wasn’t just a couple of close friends over for a few sneaky drinks,” a member of the newly set up PRG (Party Research Group) told LCD Views. “Basically it was one endless party all through lockdown. AND I WASN’T INVITED.”
The failure to invite the most insane headbangers in the Conservative Party to the 10 Downing Street hypocrisy festival now risks endangering the Prime Minister’s position.
“What’s the point of being in the Tory Party if you don’t get to laugh at the plebs with all the other chaps?” the PRG spokesman demanded. “He’s treated us like filth. He may even have been laughing at us? This is untenable. Clearly the deep economic harm and mass death is of no account, but to be snubbed like this? Stuck at home with the bloody wife while the PM was partying the night away? He can’t recover from this.”
Although all may not be lost for Mr Johnson with Westminster rumours suggesting he is planning a repeat of his 2019 strategy of just removing dissenters from his party.
“He’ll have to find people crazier than the 2019 intake of Brexiters to replace us with,” the PRG notes. “Good luck with that. We’re completely swivel eyed, batshit, thick as two planks meat puppets. We’re irreplaceable. Wish is why he should have invited all of us to the parties. Then we could all have denied they happened together, just like we daily deny reality on the pandemic and Brexit.”