Downing Street orders “Made In Britain” stickers affixed to all artefacts in the British Museum

PATRIOTISM IS ON THE MARCH : MPs at The Ministry of Culture are expecting to be busier than ever over the coming weeks as they take back control of The British Museum.

It’s long been acknowledged that the museum is a hotbed of woke subversion and it’s high time something was done about it. One of the most pressing issues is the need to revise the provenance of the millions of historical artefacts housed in the grand building in central London.

“Downing Street has taken a moment out from its pressing concerns over flat refurbishments to focus on the issue of the Benin Bronzes, The Elgin Marbles and various other items of British property that saboteurs from Brussels are using to undermine British sovereignty,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “They’ve come up with a solution, between the lobster and sea bass courses, which puts the matter to rest forever.”

The solution is a neat one and it is claimed supports British industry.

“We will be nationalising the sticker factories that currently churn out those unpatriotic ‘Bollocks to Brexit’ stickers and repurposing them to put Britain firmly on the world map.”

New stickers will be produced which say “Made In Britain” and are Union Flag patterned, and they’ll be produced by the millions.

“MPs from the Ministry of Culture will tour the British Museum and affix the stickers to every single artefact either on display, or in a box somewhere in the vaults. We will soon show those pesky forrins who owns what! And if anyone quibbles over the claim that, for example, The Map of the World, Abu Habba, Iraq 700-500 BB (Before Britain) is truly British then they’ll soon have egg on their face when they see the ‘Made In Britain’ sticker on its surface!”

Plans are also in place to tattoo the foreheads of all babies born in the UK with Union Flags so wherever they end up in the world people will know they’re British.

“As that’s normally a secret.”

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