Missing days explained – PM pictured filling in pot holes on Tory donor’s private road

PRICK UP A PICK : WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BRITISH PM BORIS JOHNSON? Has been a recurring question during his world beating time in office. Most expect him to vanish inside a Russian submarine sooner or later, never to be grace Blighty again, but that’s just the yoghurt knitters making their private fantasies public. We all know subs have limited refrigeration space.

The latest bout of MIA PM though had tongues wagging over which tropical island the absent father of the nation was wiling away the Christmas days on? A well earned rest, you might say…But those critics have EGG ON THEIR FACES NOW after video and photographs emerged of Boris Johnson PUTTING IN A SHIFT.

And it wasn’t the usual Churchill tribute act with a trowel and some cement. This time the UK’s HARDEST WORKING CURRENT PRIME MINISTER was getting all sweaty and smelly with tarmac and staring into some truly impressive holes.

“Those pot holes in the road won’t fill in themselves,” the PM was captured beaming, as he turned a giant ladle to get the black stuff ready to fill another hole. “With our world beating levelling up fund no private road will go unfilled. And I’m proud to do the heavy lifting myself after all the usual labourers mysteriously disappeared.”

The ability of Boris Johnson to be a “jack of all trades” has long held the UK in rapture and the knowledge that Tory donors won’t have to take their helicopters to the end of the drive anymore is certain to make everyone happy.

“It’s not just potholes he’s filling in,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “With the nation’s workforce mysteriously ravaged and absent due to a surprising wave of that pesky virus Mr Johnson will also be working overtime at vaccination centres. He’s to do not one but two photo shoots today.”

Does the man ever rest?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *