BEHIND CLOSED DOORS : GREAT NEWS FOR THE STRUGGLING ENTERTAINMENT AND HOSPITALITY INDUSTRY IN ENGLAND TODAY after 10 Downing Street advertised overnight for an official Party Planner.
The position which has a start date of “Sometime in the coming week or two” brings with it an impressive salary and raft of benefits and the chance to “polish your reputation as the go to person in England to organise a secret balls [up]”.
But critics of the decision have rounded on 10 Downing Street and said that the pay on offer is too high. Although they were happy overall with the decision as “laughing in the face of the populace is a necessary function of Johnson’s style of government”.
“£140K a year to work for the Johnson’s?” one Tory backbencher commented. “By the time you’re through you’ll be as credible as Stratton. It’s essentially an advertisement to sacrifice your dignity and credibility. Why am I only paid £80K to do it when I have to work five days some weeks? This is a slap in the face with a wet party popper to Tory MPs who sacrifice their integrity for tens of thousands of pounds less each year. Either we get an invitation to the parties during the next lockdown or a pay bump. It’s one or the other. The Prime Minister must decide or we’ll claim to set up a research group and milk the public purse to fund it.”
But supporters of the Prime Minister have claimed the new role must be filled immediately as he’s “screwed the pooch so thoroughly again” when it comes to the pandemic.
“Herd immunity via natural infection is still the bedrock of England’s pandemic policy,” one noted. “It’s hardly something to party over. The NHS is yet to collapse under the strain because old Bojo doesn’t have the guts to push through. He pulls out each time, which is not what we expect of him given his personal history. Ask any of his girlfriends or mistresses.”