EVERYONE HAS A PRICE SOME ARE JUST CHEAPER THAN OTHERS : Great news for people struggling to find that perfect gift for that special someone who already has everything. 10 Downing Street Productions have released a BOX SET of PRIME MINISTER BORIS de WAFFLE JOHNSON’s pre-recorded speeches in time for Christmas.
“As the possibility of a Christmas lockdown grows stronger now is the time to stock up on things to watch alone, or with the only other person you dare be in close contract with,” a 10 Downing Street Productions spokesman advises.
“Our new BOX SET of the PM’s pre-recorded speeches will see you through the dark days as you desperately long for spring time. Every episode comes re-edited to give Johnson the panache he lacks. We’ve even bought the rights to the Benny Hill theme song and you can listen along as he waffles and rambles. Each and every day will seem like the rest of your life.”
Orders are expected to exceed demand so be sure to order TODAY in order to receive your box set sometime after the 25th of December.
“We’ve added bonus content of 2020’s No 10 pandemic rule breaking Christmas parties,” the spokesman advises. “Why not buy one for any senior Met officer in your life? All the evidence they’ll ever need to not pursue an investigation with because of who the rule breakers are. Just the look on their faces when they tear off the wrapping paper will make it worth the cost.”
The box set also neatly catalogues the changing staff at 10 Downing Street as one by one aides and advisers are thrown under the bus to save Mr Johnson’s skin.
“We’ve taken the time to make a collage for the cover art and included postcards inside of key moments in Mr Johnson’s premiership. Do you want to hold a postcard of Dom in the Rose Garden defending his Barnard Castle trip? Maybe Allegra Stratton the moment she realises just how Faustian was her pact? Or Raab staring at a sign saying ‘Beach Closed’. It’s in inside along with hours of pre-recorded video because no one anymore trusts Mr Johnson to give a coherent message if he’s not properly leashed.”
BUY YOUR OWN COLLECTION OF BORIS JOHNSON SPEECHES NOW TO ENSURE DISAPPOINTMENT THIS CHRISTMAS! *recommended retail price of ‘your country’s self-esteem’ is non-negotiable.