WHEAT FROM CHAFF : U.K. workers are to be urged by the government to go on a “great productivity drive“ to counter balance the mysterious headwinds affecting the economy.
While it’s not yet clear why Brexit and a lethally mismanaged, economically illiterate pandemic policy focused solely on looting the country to enrich political donors and chums has hurt growth, except in tax havens, the net result is an alarming debit on the national balance sheet.
The U.K. government is to respond by urging all patriots to “redouble their doubled efforts” and “discard leisure time as harmful to the country”. A public information campaign will be launched to shame people who sleep, eat, use the toilet and in other ways fail to “repair the damage the wizard did”.
“The gig economy is bursting with low paid, insecure work that we urge all Britons to seize before we have to offer greater employment protections. For some baffling reason the decision to drive millions of skilled people away has only caused wage inflation in Class 1 driving jobs. Brexiters and Lexiters are to hold a great conflab to decide which Labour leader to blame. This is preferable to acknowledging decades of sticking your head firmly in your arse and ignoring a changing world was a mistake,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views.
In the interim you are urged to “give up your Saturdays” and “bin Sunday” before anyone starts wondering if the government of the U.K. is comprised solely of “grifting, brain dead, entitled idiots puffed up by dark money funded think tanks into thinking personal enrichment is the sole aim of governance.”
“The recent outburst of envy over the PM’s Christmas parties while people died alone and scared in isolation, because he was too thick and disinterested to use a circuit breaker in September 2020, shows how serious the situation is,” the source added. “Britons must work harder so the Prime Minister can party without it becoming boring gossip in the media.”