A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME : BRITAIN’S 10,003rd greatest living classical scholar is also its Prime Minister and Britain couldn’t be more lucky if it tried.
“Recently there’s been some bad press about UK plc,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “So the dream factory in 10 Downing Street have come up with a way to clear the slate and get back our solid gold rep.”
The plan appears to be to rebrand the country much like an insurance, banking or accountancy firm post the 2007-8 financial crisis.
“We’re going to be holding a referendum on what to call the brand new country that will be taking the world by storm,” the source informs. “Mr Johnson is said to favour Really Western Siberia in honour of the Tory Party’s biggest donors. Although the country’s newest royal, Mrs Johnson, is rumoured to be pushing hard for Johnson Land to also be on the ballot.”
But while there is rumoured to be “broad support” within the rank and file of the Con party for the makeover not everyone is happy.
“We were told he’d already renamed the country and now we find we’ll have to campaign in a referendum on the name? Still, I guess it will sweep the tsunami of bad press focused on just how brainsplittingly corrupt so many Tory MPs are off the front pages. It could be worth a shot.”
To increase public buy in there will also be an empty space on the ballot paper where voters can write in their own suggestion.
“Country McCountryface is certain to get a look in,” the Downing Street source adds. “That’s my personal favourite.”