DIG DEEP AND CARRY ON : It’s been an undeniably bad week for the UK Prime Minister, with even The Daily Mail sensing profit in turning on him by the closing stages of play.
The trouble appears to centre on an alleged attempt to tear up the final vestiges of accountability and scrutiny. Which was going great guns until a wave of public nausea so severe 10 Downing Street was left “literally mopping out the spontaneous deluge of vomit”.
“We were just trying to infect all MPs with a sense of entitlement so strong anything goes,” a 10 Downing Street source tells LCD Views. “If you want to do something and you are capable of doing it, you should be able to do it. Foreign interests have spent vast sums to groom British MPs to believe that. Public interest be damned. Just look at Brexit. Titanic victory. Corruption has been a runaway success among Conservatives. Being born to office gives them a head start of course. We’ll take stock and try again. Admittedly the punishments for being caught redhanded are ridiculously light and we should just carry on with business as usual. But being told no really rankles men and women who’ve never heard the word.”
Others have said that the problem lies right at the top of government. The Prime Minister is the focus of numerous investigations into his conduct in office and if Downing Street was able to tear up the oversight of his actions then all those ridiculous inquiries could just be made to go away.
“We have to find a way to completely evade scrutiny,” the source goes on. “We got Brexit done by calling any sane and sensible questioning of its wisdom unpatriotic. So the trick appears to lie in working out how to label anyone saying MPs shouldn’t receive vast sums of money to lobby for corporate interests unpatriotic. Then all the PM’s troubles can just float away and we can become wealthy while struggling to survive on an MPs miserly salary.”