GREEN CRED : The government is to attempt to get back on the front foot this weekend by announcing the one giant building project the PM is capable of driving through to success. Operation : Carpark Kent has been a highlight of Mr Johnson’s time in office with vast swathes of England’s most green and pleasant landscape already converted into a “tangible and concrete symbol” of Brexit.
“The treasury has agreed to allocate a further £200 billion pounds to buy the concrete required to finish the task of concreting over Kent,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Even Mr Sunak was able to see it is necessary. He took time out of his styling his hair for a Christmas swimsuit calendar to green lit the spending on the project.”
The only potential snag in the “big boom for infrastructure spending” seems to lie in finding enough qualified truck drivers to get the concrete pouring.
“That’s not as big an obstacle as critics would have you believe,” the source shrugs. “We’re changing the rules again on Class 1 licences. Now family pets can get involved. A well trained dog can easily navigate driving a concrete truck straight through a cottage garden and then hit the button that says ‘pour’. Afterwards they get a treat. It keeps them motivated.”
Local Kent residents who maybe opposed to the further expansion of Inland Customs Facilities will simply be ignored by Downing Street.
“It’s what the people voted for,” the source reminds critics. “We said we were going to level up the country and Kent is going to be especially level once it’s completely covered in concrete. Operation : Carpark Kent will make the UK world leaders in concrete farming. That’s not to be sniffed at. Unlike whatever we’ve been on which has convinced us to do it.”