PANDEMIC SHAMDEMIC : HEALTH SECRETARY AND BANKER SAJID JAVID spoke to the nation yesterday in a barely telecast spectacle of bollocks.
The key aim of the speech appeared to be to pretend that nothing is going wrong with the management of the pandemic in the UK, in spite of everything very visibly going wrong and many people pointing it out.
Quite why relaxing all restrictions and pretending the virus was gone, or could be controlled by “personal responsibility” has lead to such an extremely negative outcome is baffling for everyone. Sorry. For no one.
“We’re fundamentally incapable of understanding that the health security of the general population is linked to the economy,” a 10 Downing Street source defended the Health Secretary. “As such we think every fresh body thrown on the pile is worth a percentage point of growth. Mercifully we won’t consider the international comparisons that show not letting your country become a viral tip actually improves economic outcomes. But then what do you expect from disaster capitalists pretending to be a government? Oh and we’re complete wankers.”
Compounding the difficulties in not just letting everyone die are a few other factors.
“We’ve forgotten that life is sacred and the government is supposed to do it all can to preserve it, not just arrange bank transfers for mates off the back of a deadly virus. Oh, and there’s an insane streak of US style libertarianism in the Tories these days. Basically it’s a belief system that goes, if it’s not me dying my freedoms are worth it, no matter how unnecessary or small. Cough your last grandma there’s no way an ERG is wearing a mask in a crowded public place. That infringes on his inalienable right to be a complete cock.”
There is also another key metric that so far convinces the Health Secretary he’s on the right path.
“Anyway,” Sajid-19* shrugged, “so long as life expectancy in the House of Commons remains above medieval levels what is there to worry about? Now get on that crowded commuter train and back into the office you expendable plebs.”