I LAUGHED AT US ONCE BUT I THINK I GOT AWAY WITH IT : 10 Downing Street has become alarmed over the increasing number of reports of British people laughing at German jokes about Brexit. So alarmed they have decided to do something about it, just as soon as the country’s ruling couple return from their latest holiday.
“Priti Patel is incensed too,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “She’s sent a Whatsapp to Johnson saying not to worry though because she’s going to have the Border Force turn off the internet of anyone in the UK laughing at themselves. Border Force will be employed to this end just until the new Patriotic Humour Force can be set up. They’re advertising for staff now. You’ll need to have a deeply myopic and fantastical concept of British history to join.”
But with various ministers jockeying behind the scenes to position themselves for a run at the top job it’s believed Mr Johnson himself will take command of the response, just as soon as he finishes his latest holiday. And before he goes on his next one.
“The PM is thinking of a three strikes and you’re out rule. Share a post on social media of a German TV show laughing at Brexit and you’ll lose internet access for life. Distribute a pamphlet with a print out of a similar event and you’ll be sentenced to fruit pick on a Tory donor’s soft fruit farm. Download a video onto your phone and you’ll have to re-wallpaper his home. He’s a famous liberal and free speech must be protected.”
Hopefully the measures will remind British people that there is nothing funny about Brexit.
“Brexit is deadly serious. It has turned us into a global laughing stock. But when you’re considering whether or not to eat the cat or dog first this winter, and whether or not the use the less desirable [taste wise] pet as cooking fuel, you’ll soon wipe that smile off your face.”