AND THE BAND PLAYED ON : The UK’s government has stopped at nothing to ensure that every sector of the UK economy experiences the possibilities of Brexit, and there’s no sign of ramping down on that.
Businesses are becoming vocal over what the new opportunities mean, especially given that it’s now a constant state of crisis. Although Downing Street have moved to reassure everyone that the hedge funds are doing roaring business and really that’s “all that matters”.
But to help with the transition to the post Brexit economy the business minister and his little ministers have spoken to the press to provide reassurance.
“Government has heard your concerns and we are determined to do nothing about them but release word salads,” the Department for Business told LCD Views. “We will of course cook up some headline grabbing initiatives to lure EU workers back into the arms of Priti Patel. You can expect these to fail completely and for us to claim success.”
There was further guidance though for any business operator, or employee in a vulnerable sector.
“We are changing as a country. Change isn’t always easy. Growth isn’t always painless, unless you have offshore accounts in tax havens. Ha!” the department advised. “But we need you to do your part to help us seize the tangible benefits of Brexit. To this end you must adapt with us. You must be ready to lower your expectations and crush your dreams. You will face the sternest of government responses if you attempt to expose Brexit for the shoddy scam we all know that it is.”
There is of course one great thing that businesses can do to this end.
“British businesses must learn to adapt to going out of business,” the Business Secretary reassured. “And to allow the corpses of your enterprises to be scavenged over by our party donors. Otherwise what was the point of Brexit?”