MISS REPRESENT AT YOUR SERVICE : DOWNING STREET have had their “men who work in the shadows” busy this week, allegedly, attempting to pretend that the supply crisis worsening in the UK, post Brexit, is nothing to do with Brexit.
The exceptional wheeze is expected to completely cloud people’s vision when they go to the shop and “see nothing there” and then try and fill up with petrol and see “no petrol there”. Seeing is after all believing. And so long as there is one image on social media of an empty shelf in Brussels than Brexit is perfect. Even if the empty shelf in Brussels has nothing to do with the current supply chain pressures in Europe.
“It’s not yet clear how successful the attempt to deflect attention away from the UK’s worsening issues will be. This is because the only Brexit that could ever have succeeded was the Brexit in Dan Hannan’s mind. Nigel Farage’s mind. Boris Johnson’s mind. Priti Patel’s mind. Etc. Ad nauseum. Once the Brexit was let out of those bizarre little composting cages it was all over, for Brexit. Now we all have to pay for it,” said a Brexit expert.
We did ask the government for comment, allegedly, because just wishing shit away never solves anything. We’re increasingly concerned about feeding our children. Alongside wondering how many times they’ll catch the virus in Johnson’s tantric pandemic. But all we got was the following manufactured statement :
“The UK food and petrol crisis will soon be joined by medical and energy crises.”
Shortly after a correction followed,
“Ignore the previous statement. It was honest. This is the statement.”
We waited. It arrived.
“The UK food and petrol crisis the fault of a driver’s strike. Just like the Brussel’s supermarket.”
We tapped our fingers. This was not credible.
“The driver’s name is Tony, he comes from Bolton, he’s on strike and we’ve sent the army in to deal with him.”