COMING AND GOING : The UK’s Under Secretary of State for Fucking Business has taken to the press today to support his boss Kwasi Kwarteng’s assessment of UK economic prospects.
“We’re in transition,” Rt Hon Horrible Prospects told LCD Views. “We’re transitioning from a functional, fully integrated, industrialised and powerful nation into a shitshow where bin fires are the largest growth sector. If you’ve some old oil drums in your backyard it’s going to be very exciting. You can rent them out by the hour. Make extra supplying the foraged combustibles.”
The Under Secretary of State words will bring hope and cheer to many who are likely looking at the worsening supply chain issues and wondering what the hell is going on? How bad is this going to get before sanity returns? Why don’t all the opposition MPs band together to demand this farcical vulture capitalist government get to fuck? And really what is the point of having a sovereign monarch if they just do not seem to care at all how badly the country is mismanaged?
“I have of course noted your concerns over the present supply issues,” Horrible Prospects added. “After reading into the future what you’re writing here and writing backwards to now. I can honestly say all this will be solved instantly by honestly pretending an empty shelf in Brussels is honestly caused by exactly the same forces we are experiencing and Brexit is innocent.”
Having soothed everyone’s worries, even as the petrol queues continue, Horrible Prospects added one final layer of support to his boss, who just sounds ridiculous.
“The UK is in transition. That’s our catchphrase for a few days. After that is complete we can expect the economy to exceed levels last seen after the Romans left. It’s very exciting. They’re be some lovely pottery.”