ALL MOUTH AND NO TROUSERS: The government has solved the fuel supply crisis at a stroke. It is to build a chain of Nightingale petrol stations to absorb the demand.
“This worked perfectly with Nightingale hospitals,” remarked Glib Solutions minister Kaye Ottic. “They bought us precious time Get Covid Done, and to think up another dead end story to throw the public off the scent.”
There are plenty of unanswered questions. Who is going to staff these filing stations? Where is specialised equipment like fuel pumps coming from? And how is the fuel going to get there in the first place?
“We know what we are doing,” lied Ottic. “In Brexit Britain we need to believe in better. The resourceful British public with their great British common sense will find a way. And remember, it would have been much worse under Corbyn. I don’t see the Labour Party coming up with any solutions, and in any case the EU is to blame for withholding their cheap labour, this is why Leaving was so essential. They just need to be reminded that they need us much more than we need them.”
That’s no sort of an answer.
“I’ve responded fully, and you are beginning to sound unpatriotic,” snapped Ottic. “If you dare to question me again, then Priti Patel will investigate your family tree, and deport you because your auntie once went on holiday to Corsica.”
That’s reassuring. Corsica is a lovely place. Sounds like win-win to me. So what are you going to do when cars pull up to your useless Nightingale petrol stations? Wave a flag at them?
“Yes. Now remove this whingeing traitor from this country,” she growled to her goons. “They will put you in quarantine. Two weeks in an all-expenses paid hotel in Corsica, wearing a face mask. You won’t like that!”
It is to be hoped that there is enough fuel to power the aeroplane.