WE HAVE OUR BEST PEOPLE WORKING ON IT : 10 Downing Street has announced an extensive review of the “monumental” body of research compiled by the publicly subsidised European Research Group.
The ERG became famous in the years before Brexit for the intensity of its study into the relationship between the UK and the EU, and it is expected that they will have anticipated and solved all the problems now afflicting the UK.
“The ERG was composed of some of the finest minds the UK government has produced,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “The cladding on their intelligence is phenomenal. Nothing gets in that they don’t want to. No fact. No semblance of reality can enter. In fact some of them are so dense between the ears that light bends around them. We expect this stellar quality will mean they had an unfettered imagination and will have foreseen and solved the many crises the pingdemic has caused Brexit. Which otherwise would have been completely successful.”
Where 10 Downing Street will turn if there aren’t any answers in the ERG papers is not yet clear, but it’s thought blaming the EU will satisfy most, regardless of outcomes.
“It’s impossible to imagine that Rees-mogg, Bridgen, Francois and other heavyweights won’t have already predicted and sorted out the supply chain crisis. Christmas will be saved. And if it isn’t the Prime Minister will simply unleash the bubonic plague so we can blame that. The most important thing is no one says that Brexit was the stupidest thing any country has done in living memory.”
While the public waits for the papers to give up their illuminations it is important that NO ONE PANICS.
Just because no one smart enough to do Brexit would, doesn’t mean that the people who did it are complete and utter idiots. Some of them are extremely successful vulture capitalists.