GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT : The White House has responded off the record to the visit from British Prime Minister Boris Johnson. In a candid exchange with journalists an unnamed White House source (who is almost certainly invented) made the following comments.
“It was frankly embarrassing,” the source told LCD Views. “Joe had a full diary to work through and this shambling haystack appears at the front door claiming to be family. Or in a special relationship with our entire country, whatever that means. Could he please come in for a few minutes? Apparently he was busting for the toilet too. When he emerged from the bathroom he smelt of whiskey. Or had splashed so much aftershave on it was enough to fumigate the Oval Office. And the Oval Office didn’t need to be fumigated as it was cleaned by a bio-hazard specialist after Trump was dragged out. Really, no one knew where to look. We just kept dropping hints it was time for him to leave. Not even really sure who he was? Said his name was Al and he was from Global Britain? Maybe it was a prank? You know, one of those TV shows where they set people up?”
While the comments from inside are illuminating regarding how he was received, there were some significant gains for the British Prime Minister.
“He had this so called journalist with him. Or a blogger. Something. Said she worked for Auntie? Whatever that is. She tweeted the entire time. Everything this blow in did she praised. Maybe they’re in some kind of toxic co-dependency? Really we don’t have time for games like this. We’ve got serious work to do. Even if they are somehow related to us it would be best if they kept their distance.”
For his part Mr Johnson went on record to say he thought the visit went “Stupendously! Like Theseus in a wool shop. He aaaaa….aaaaaa….just the right weave! Baggins! Like Baggins. The one ring. Just magnificent” and no one was any the wiser about what he meant.