ARTS AND CRAFTS : The future of UK trade is secure today after British Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced he had joined a world beating free trading bloc.
Hot on the heels of despair and ignominy in the United States, that even the state broadcasting and propaganda service could not fully conceal, the PM is said to have “rolled up his sleeves” and taken a nap. Once the afternoon snooze was over he “rolled his sleeves up even higher” and got “completely plastered on some excellent vintages”.
The drinking is believed to be key to the trade bloc success as it “Provided the raw materials needed to construct it. Although the paint to paint little people on the side doing trade was domestically sourced”.
Of course building a new free trade association out of empty wine crates is a radical move but this is a radical Prime Minister. No one before has lied to the Queen and gotten away with it. Just think what he will achieve next!
“The new trade alliance will allow Downing Street to continue with the ramped up post Brexit economic strategy of paying industries Brexit is killing to shut up, while spending taxpayers money on international jollies,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “We would like to invite the USA, Canada, Vietnam, Chile, New Zealand, Easter Island, Russia, well everyone really, to apply to join. Liz Truss is hanging by the telephone for your call.”
The new trading bloc has an apt name too that draws on the economic revolution that is occurring in the United Kingdom post Brexit.
“Members of the failing, tyrannical EU super state are welcome to free themselves of the bloc’s red tape and join us,” the source invites. “There are two sets of rules in our new association. Which one applies to you will be determined by your wealth at birth. Make us happy by doing our dirty work and we’ll give you a peerage too. It’s very exciting.”
The name of the free trade association is sure to excite.
“We’ve called it Free United Kingdom Demands International Trade,” the source beams. “Or F U K D I T for short. We believe it encapsulates the wins delivered by Brexit.”