KNOWLEDGE IS CONTAGIOUS : Former Education Secretary Gavin Williamson is the subject of rumours today with the belief being that Prime Minister Boris Johnson will knight him.
It’s not clear why Mr Williamson would need a knighthood, given he already owns a spider and a whip, but it could be because he’s been a faithful servant of evil throughout his tenure as a Secretary of State. Few can forget his impact as Education Secretary. There are many highlights but threatening to sue schools who refused to invite kids in to have a measles party and then ordering schools closed the next day was a star turn. So too the fight over free school meals, because everyone knows the children Tory policies have impoverished learn better when they’re starving.
“It’ll wind up the libs,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “It’s also a payoff for his services to Brexit. Knighthoods are ten a penny in Brexitannia. Why not give old Gav one? The titles and the palaces help inadequates like Williamson believe they are somehow destined to rule. The bricks and mortar achievements of the past, the outdated honours system, all that pomp and circumstance guff allow us to ignore just how frightfully bad we are at government. Heaven help us if the whole show is ever brought into the 21st Century. Still, not a problem for Sir Frank Spencer.”
But while it’s normal for PM’s to payoff loyal servants there is a suggestion that it isn’t really his time as Education Secretary that the knighthood is for.
“He helped keep everyone bloody confused. He has also helped sell to schools a pandemic plan that makes children the best vectors for the virus in the country. If a few of them end up with chronic illnesses that’s a sacrifice we’re willing to take to achieve herd immunity. Just no one admit it publicly.”
When your child starts learning Latin you’ll have Sir Gav to thank for it. If they catch the virus and give it to you, if they haven’t already? You can thank him for that too.
Inmunidad colectiva – get your kid to translate it next time you take their temperature.