KEEP ‘EM HUNGRY KEEP ‘EM KEEN : The United Kingdom is a world leader in both the food bank and free school meals sector. Few industrialised countries that aren’t the USA prepare their underprivileged youth with such vigour for the dog eat dog world of reduced employment rights and job insecurity.
Thanks to the sensible, self-imposed limitations of Brexit the U.K. is set to ramp up the way it prepares poorer children for endless Tory rule. Food supplies are in crisis and the crisis needs to be digested by the right people in the right institutions.
“Feed Your Betters is a new campaign we’re launching in all schools,” a Department of Education spokesman told LCD Views. “Poor children will be asked to skip meals to ensure that their more intelligently born contemporaries have their nutritional needs met so they physically develop properly in order to go on to govern their lessers.”
The scheme will involve coordination across government departments with the Home Office assisting the Education Secretary, while the Chancellor ensures the purse strings are loose enough so that no one actually perishes from hunger fast, but tight enough to ensure low born are thinking about food more than their lessons.
“The Food Enforcement Police will intercept and divert lorries full of fresh produce from their intended destinations of state schools full of shabby never do wells and divert the food to Eton, Harrow, Basket, Hive and other vital institutions to guarantee the future of strong and stable governance in the United Kingdom.”
But it won’t all be one way traffic. The born to rule youngsters will daily select one bread roll which will be returned to a state school chosen by lottery. The bread roll will have several weevils inserted prior to return to make sure it includes the right level of protein to meet new means tested guidance.
“A live stream will broadcast the poor children fighting in a ring over the bread roll with the victor receiving a standing ovation over zoom from the better kids. Just imagine your pride when your bruised and battered offspring hold the bloodied roll, or what is left of it, up to the webcam.”
There were thoughts of having the posh kids actually visit to watch the bread brawling in person but this has been put on hold for the time being.
The Education Department explained why.
“Do you want several future prime ministers exposed to that nasty cold which is out of control in state schools all at once? You don’t want to risk the next Cameron or Johnson getting an illness that might cause chronic conditions in their childhood. That’s an advantage squarely pegged for the deserving poor.”