A SPLASH IN THE PAN : There was always going to be a long list of losers and losers from Brexit, something the pushers of the crystal meth of politics were determined to point out.
Who can forget the long list of memorable warnings such as “We don’t hold any cards”, “Once we leave we’ll starve”, “We need the EU more than it needs US” and “Listen to the experts – they all say Brexit is batshit”, but merrily went the Great British into a toothless wilderness.
But one loser is feeling it more keenly than most. Nigel Farage’s dry cleaner who fears that Brexit will now bring him bankruptcy.
“It was great a year or two back,” the anonymous small businessman told LCD Views. “Remember when the fash were getting milkshaked the moment they stepped outside? Fantastic for business. All those donor bought Saville Row suits needing dry cleaning? And milkshake is bloody hard to get out. Even when I did my best old Nige would still have a whiff of sour milk with his usual cologne of stale fags, stale beer, halitosis and 1930’s beliefs. So he’d buy a new suit and bam! Milkshaked again. What a hoot!”
Sadly for the dry cleaner to the stars the good times are now in the past.
“That’s it for me. The McDonalds’ milkshake crisis spells the death kneel for my business. I don’t know what I’ll do now? Unless some fishermen can be found to fling burley at him? That’s a long line though. I guess I’ll have to retrain for a new career in cyber. Or maybe as a ballerina?”
At least for the evergreen menagerie of British politics it’s a happy day. Mr Farage can now go goosestepping about the town and not worry about an incoming shake to take him down.