LEAN AND MEAN FOR BLIGHTY : Daily now the news is full of another crisis in the food supply industry. First it was chicken, then it was beef and now it’s milk. Something will have to be done about it.
The obvious solution of quietly unwinding Priti Patel’s world beating victory of ending Freedom of Movement is not a goer and the British people voted overwhelmingly to be trapped on their island with Priti Patel. Another solution must be found.
Luckily good old fashioned British pluck and ingenuity will see us through. Allied to an executive that loves to splash the cash.
“£350m per week we’re putting into finding alternatives for food,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “And we think our ramped up, world beating team of food scientists have cracked it!”
And cracked and it they appear to be after the discovery of homeopathic food.
“It looks like we do have an answer. Homeopathic food will allow all supermarkets to be fully stocked forever with barely a dent being made in the nation’s food stockpiles.”
The solution is as simple as it’s genius and only Brexit scientists could have developed it.
“Homeopathic food works like homeopathic medicine,” the source explains. “Anyone can do it at home. Just take say one chicken nugget and put it in a full bath tub of water. Give it a stir and like magic you have hundreds of litres of entirely effective chicken nuggets. Drain off and bottle the water. Repeat. Do it all day. One nugget will make millions of other nuggets this way.”
The technique works for any food substance and any diet.
“The future of Brexit is now safe thanks to our scientists,” the source adds. “We’ll be holding a National roast beef feast next month. We’re going to throw one plate of Sunday roast into an Olympic swimming pool and feed the nation!”