WHAT VALUE LIFE : Home Secretary Priti Patel has the fight of her life on her hands to stop people reaching safety, security, humanity and the chance of a new life in Great Britain, but she’s up to the challenge.
Since taking up the powerful post of Home Secretary, after being fired from her previous post for running a private foreign policy agenda, Ms Patel has shown that a display of the worst of human instincts is no longer a barrier to success in U.K. political life.
“Boris Johnson deserves a lot of the credit,” a fictional Home Office aide to Ms Patel told LCD Views, during a break from the afternoon’s staff bullying session.
“Gone are the days when being found to have acted unlawfully would have ended a political career. You can thank the entire Conservative Party for that, and the Murdoch press. Once we would have lost Ms Patel’s special talents and drives to the private sector. Thankfully she is able to carry on furthering the work Theresa May began with the Hostile Environment under Dave ‘Call me Coma’ Cameron.”
And carry on she does with gusto. Nothing can stop her. But now she’s a new challenge as just being really bloody awful and displaying historical amnesia has not stopped those darn human beings fleeing war zones full of British arms.
“Nigel Farage was expected to singlehandedly take out the RNLI but that seems to have backfired, much to everyone’s bafflement around here. So we’re turning to the classic Conservative solution to get rid of irritating public services.”
The solution being letting the free market have at it!
“The contracts have been drawn up and the required licences gifted and a free market alternative to the RNLI will soon be launching. With a keen business sense and the backing of government loans the private lifesaver service will undercut the RNLI and drive them right out of business.”
Choice is vital to the customer and providing a choice of rescue services will be just what the Channel needs to satisfy the demands of the Tories core vote.