OPERATION DUDKIRK : Across the plains of Norfolk, in the valleys and dales of West Sussex, on the searing mountain tops of Hertfordshire the great people of Great Britain are increasingly asking “What will we do when the supermarkets run out of food?” Lucky for Brits the PM has the answer!
It’s becoming clearer day by day that the slackers running the UK’s food supply chains aren’t up to the job of coping with Boris Johnson’s Brexit. This is in spite of been given a full half an hour to prepare for it once the PM hosted that hilarious Commons vote late last year to get the necessary fig leaf from Parliament. MPs from both major parties in England turned up to vote through his Oven Ready Brexit Deal. They played their part, even though the vote had zero legal force and all they were doing was validating Johnson’s chaos. It’s not as if the UK’s system of governance is no longer fit for porpoise, or dolphin.
“They then expected the UK’s hauliers and retailers to do their part,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views. “But they haven’t. They’ve let us all done badly. What’s so bally difficult about taking food from a port to a shop? How have the UK’s supply chains failed the government so badly?”
How indeed. It’s clear who is to blame but what was not clear until today was what would we do about it? Happily we have a PM who is obsessed with smearing himself with Churchill references.
“We’re calling it Operation Dudkirk,” the source says. “This is because the supermarkets and hauliers are duds. Just ask Boris! But Great Britain won’t be so readily defeated by a delusional self image of itself in the 21st Century! We’re fighting back! And the PM is leading the charge.”
While the PM won’t be physically leading any charge, except perhaps into a fridge, he will be doing his part and issuing the rallying cry to save shoppers.
“He’s going to make a speech later this afternoon and call on tens of thousands of British motorists to go to Dover! Unload those damn baskets of fresh produce and dry goods yourself. Then take them across the great sweep of the British isles to UK supermarkets. Fill those shelves Britons! It’s your duty. Let the missing HGV drivers feel the great heat of the shame they have visited upon us.”