IF YOU CAN’T BLIND THEM WITH SCIENCE…: THE UK IS GLOBALLY RECOGNISED as being at the forefront of research into how to handle the current pandemic. Work made more impressive by the current government’s decision to abandon efforts to properly prepare for pandemics, before the pandemic.
“This has provided us with a pretty open field to experiment within,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views, “and not just for the virus! Ha!”
In spite of the interesting results arising from the UK’s unique attempt to bring Blitz Spirit into viral control, it seems some in power are getting bored of it now.
“Matt’s mates have made an absolute tonne of cash, it’s been excellent,” the source continues. “Not just his, others also. Total snouts in trough windfall event. One in a million. It’s been excellent.”
But the winds of change are now blowing…
“By mismanaging the pandemic we’ve artificially boosted UK GDP sufficient to hide some of the impact of Brexit. Although we’re coming to the end of the road with that now, which is more than you can say for the nation’s hauliers! Ha! We’re going to have to get Dido back to track and trace truck drivers. That’ll spin a few billion out the door. Ha!”
As to where to go now with the pandemic it’s clear a few options are helpfully still ruled out.
“No chance we’ll pursue an elimination strategy, with an effective quarantine and track and trace. That’s not the British way! We’ll only consider it if the rest of the world quarantines us. The modern Conservative has the mettle to cull the herd of the weak, presented with the opportunity. But how to sell it to the great unwashed? Social media spreading conspiracies helps keep people’s eye off the ball. Who doesn’t prefer to watch old Piers Corbyn ripping health messages off public transport? Much more exciting than considering stale charts of infections and deaths. But we want to move on now. We’ve Global Britain to build! The people need to shrug off their fears and get out the door.”
It seems the favoured policy is to manipulate public opinion sufficiently so they see the virus like a car crash. You want to drive then you accept there’s a risk to yourself and others, but you trust it’s mitigated. So long as the daily mortality stays low then it’s hoped selfishness will kick in too. It’s only people I don’t know dying…
“That’s exceptionally clever. Treating an infectious disease like a car accident. It has a surface logic that many will grab. As long as no one actually sits down and thinks about it…”
Of course the people in positions of power pushing the agenda to “get back to normal” are well placed to think it through.
“They have access to chauffeur driven cars and many live on large estates. All you have to do is work harder for the right ancestors and you can live safely with the virus too.”