CRYSTAL BALLS : The United Kingdom waits with baited breath today to see which of Boris Johnson’s minister will go on a fishing expedition about the sausage war and NI.
“The PM is just trying to decide which lackey of state he will send out to wind everyone up by saying he deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for his tireless efforts to keep the peace in Northern Ireland,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “It’s very fragile you know. Did you know that? Not many people know that. And no one at all predicted Brexit could destabilise a fragile twenty year peace that followed centuries of conflict. It’s come completely out of the blue. It’s the EU’s fault. Obvs.”
The need to distract from the slow moving avalanche of Brexit karma grows deeper daily as one by one the pieces of the Brexit puzzle spontaneously combust and then explode.
“Mr Johnson is losing sleep day and night worrying over the colour of his wallpaper,” the source added. “OH AND THE IRISH. If only they’d just accept the need to leave the EU and be ruled from Westminster again all of this trouble can be avoided.”
While the lackey of state will certainly cause momentary distraction it is hoped until that moment the confected furore over a picture of the Queen can keep everyone distracted.
“As long as no one mentions that the word of the U.K. government is now at junk bond status I think Mr Johnson can rest easy. He can spend his time where discussing where to put his peace prize with Carrie. And most importantly, will it match the sofa?”