THE LORDLY ONE : GLOBAL BRITAIN’S GREATEST DIPLOMATIC EXPORT, LORD FROST, is to travel to Brussels today in a vintage Spitfire to negotiate the terms of the British surrender in the Great Sausage War.
The decision of Boris Johnson to despatch his human shield to Brussels came as a surprise to many, until they realised he’d “already lost interest” in the banger based blow up after seeing a woman he has yet to impregnate.
Lord Frost will travel in the Spitfire on the outside of the aircraft to make room for the pilot. He will be strapped to the fuselage and to all appearances will look like a bouncing and very dumb bomb.
“We’ve sent word ahead to Brussels not to be alarmed by the manner of Lord Frost’s arrival,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “And not to worry when the pilot releases his payload without landing and does a sharp turn to home.”
There are no expectations that Lord Frost will be injured in his fall to earth as he is expected to land on his head, that being his centre of gravity due to the density of the bone.
The timing of the talks comes ahead of the G7 meeting in Cornwall where Mr Johnson will have to talk face to face with the US President Joe Biden, who is said to already have a lengthy list of issues to browbeat the British PM on without having to talk to “that darn brat about wurst!”
The surrender of the British will be presented as a great victory at home so all patriots can remain safe in their belief that Brexit was a good idea and not the decision of a fridge full of silly sausages.