CATCH ME IF YOU CAN : The UK’s favourite politician for the 20th consecutive year in a row, Michael Gove, has reportedly been in contact with an infected person while on a jaunt to Portugal to watch the football.
As news of the infection risk broke worried voters immediately set up vigils across the country in the hope of preventing Mr Gove entering their locality.
While under current rules Mr Gove should now self isolate for 10 days, happily the rules have been designed around the lifestyles and business plans of Conservative MPs and their donors, so there’s more holes in UK’s pandemic defences than an industrial sized colander.
Erroneous media reports circulating today state that Mr Gove can utilise a loophole designed for Tory donors which says isolation does not need to occur so long as the individual in question takes a test each day. This is designed to give them time daily to infect other people before they realise they are infected themselves. But for Mr Gove there is a much more appropriate loophole.
“It’s to do with his special biochemistry and physical structure,” a 10 Downing Street aide explained to LCD Views. “Mr Gove’s outward appearance is passably human on less than a passing glance. But that is just skin deep. It’s actually high grade PPE. An artificial human suit worn to conceal his true form.”
The true form is of course shape shifting, face eating, alien reptile, which for some reason voters with a death wish keep returning to office because someone carelessly left a blue rosette on the outer layer.