UNCLEAN UNCLEAN: Lizard King Michael Gove has managed to avoid self isolation after an overseas junket. But it’s not a case of ‘one rule for us’ this time. The reliably ubiquitous government “source” confirmed this once and for all.
“Strictly speaking, Mr Gove should be obliged to quarantine himself for 10 days,” said Sourcey McSourceFace. “However, in his case this won’t be necessary. It is well known in government circles that nobody ever goes near him if they can possibly avoid it.”
Thus a protective ring has been thrown around Michael Gove, of his own creation. One protective ring to rule them all. And we all know about the government’s usual protective rings.
But this one might actually work. After all, of all the ghouls who haunt the corridors of power, be it Johnson, Farage, Murdoch, Dyson, Tim Wetherspoons, or even Patel, there is none so universally disliked as Michael Gove.
“Even his nearest and dearest tend to avoid him,” continued the source. “And it is as yet unknown whether his reptilian DNA protects him from covid. In any case, he only comes out at night, when everybody knows viruses sleep.”
So we are back to following the science.
On which, new government guidance issued today recommends that the British People should not attempt to mate with cold-blooded predators in order to protect their offspring from disease.
Already there is a movement calling itself #AllReptilesMatter, which fights for the right to display sexual attraction towards reptiles. They have organised a protest march in London. Although some members who have a thing for crocodiles may not attend due to having been eaten by a crocodile. Michael Gove’s wife and children are expected to attend.
“Normal rules do not apply to Michael Gove,” concluded the source, merely confirming what everybody suspected anyway.
If you happen to encounter Mr Gove, DO NOT APPROACH HIM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.